Chapter Twenty-One
The Birth of An Army * With the final battle against the Itholids fast approaching, Field Commander Maldrek gives the Bois X amount of days (3) to recruit any allies they’ve made during their adventures to join them in the fight. But to the party’s anger, Maldrek takes the Skyfoogle away from them, claiming that the vessel must be prepared for the coming battle. ''' * '''Grease offers them three enchanted scrolls which can teleport them anywhere in Soresia and back, but each scroll has only a single use, so the Bois will have to choose wisely where they want to travel. The Field Commander also mentions that many of Koryn’s shops will offer them free supplies in preparation for the fight. * To Urtarr’s shop the Bois shuffled, as the citizens of Koryn stared in awe at the mighty heroes passing them by. Word of the Bois’ recent victories had reached Koryn, adding to the party’s heroic reputation. The Tree Man offered every kind citizen a freshly uprooted sapling. ''' * '''Over at Urtarr’s House of Hats, the bois demand that the shopkeep fork over some free stuff. The Shopping Theme plays. Urtarr hands over various garments that increase the bois’ stats, as well as a few other bits of this and that. After blibbering on about SUS, the bois bid Urtarr adieu and depart the shop. * “Well gang, we’ve got three scrolls here.” Skimp said, “How’re we gonna use ‘em?” But before anyone could answer, Braxsum the alchemist slides up to the bois and offers them each a Potion of Light Healing to use in the battle. “Don’t drink them yet, though!” he squeals, but too late, for Aigee has already downed his potion greedily. By the time the bois would arrive at the battle, Gorg’s light healing effect would be long gone. “Nice goin’ Aigee!” the bois mock the “sulli.” Aigee flops around a bit and demands compensation from Braxsum. The gnome quickly gives in to Gorg’s demands and pukes up five Potions of Cure Serious Wounds. The bois shoo Braxsum away back to his hidey hole. * Over to The Orphan Keeper’s (Gyystoph’s) lair, the Bois speak with Dyrli. Disgusting is nowhere in sight, for he’s busy planning the battle with Maldrek. Dyrli can’t offer much, but she does hand over a massive sniper rifle and some ammunition to Kaw since his musket is at this point nothing but a rusty metal pipe. The scrawny stench-crow buckles beneath the weight of the bulky firearm and stuffs it into Big Boy Bongo’s bag of holding for the time being. VIGOROUS SUS ensues, and Dyrli asks the party to kindly remove themselves from the premises ' * '“I’m gonna Tree Stride over to Thgil’s castle.” Bongo piped up. He paused for a moment, then asked reluctantly, “Do… any of you want to come with me?” Nobody said a word to Bongo. The rat, crow, panda, and goo merely gave him a blank stare. The goliath said with a sigh of relief, “Good.” He Tree Strided away, taking The Major with him. * With the goliath miles out of earshot, the Bois cut loose and start ridiculing him, laughing at his low intelligence score. They begin scheming to pummel Bongo the moment he returns. Skimp plans to go high, while Aigee and Kaw go low and grab the goliath’s legs so he can’t run. With the half-giant pinned to the ground, Skrumpfield will draw his belt and give ol’ Bongo the Oakback Treatment. James is appalled by her comrades’ behavior and harshly scolds them. ' * '''At Listening Post Alpha, the animal guards escort Bongo to his old friend. “Bongo,” Thgil greets him. “What is it you need-” “Sus up,” Bongo cuts him off. ' * '“Sus up,” Thgil responds. The two go back and forth for hours, repeating “Sus up” to each other over and over, having a merry time. Eventually, they unanimously decide that it’s time to get down to business, fun can wait until later. “We’re assaulting Aurelia in three days, Thgil. We need you and your army alongside us.” Bongo says. “I see,” said the wolf, “the time has finally come to deal with the Zorendal Empire. Very well. My kingdom shall fight. But how do you plan to breach Aurelia’s great walls?” ' * '''“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” said Bongo dismissively. Thgil nodded, “I shall gather my troops and set up some forward camps around Aurelia within the forest and wait for the assault to begin. I look forward to fighting alongside you once more, as an equal.” * “As an equal,” Bongo agrees. * Thgil sticks out his clawed paw. Bongo clasps it and shakes firmly. “I’ll see you on the battlefield, old friend.” * Bongo Tree Strides back to Koryn, only to find his comrades engaging in a fierce quarrel in the middle of the street, the reason behind this quarrel, they’ve already forgotten. Skimp is biting Kaw’s skinny crow-leg, Kaw’s armor is releasing noxious green waves of pure STENCH, and James is swinging Kaw and Skimp over her head like a lasso. The three are bellowing insults at each other the whole time. Meanwhile, Aigee is once again pondering the whereabouts of the fabled Register. It is clear that without Bongo to keep the peace, the party devolves into a pack of savages in a matter of minutes. The quarrel screeches to a halt when Bongo raises the smacking-hand. ' * '''Skimp, Aigee, Kaw, and James immediately quit their shenanigans and cower beneath the goliath. ' * '''“Enough rough-housing!” Bongo roars, “Let’s get down to business.” Kaw suddenly screeches, “To the Brave Boys!” Skimp whipped out one of the scrolls and cried, “Lemme scroll.” The scroll activated and the bois were teleported to the lawless port town of Zan Saresh once again. The jolly sounds of Tomfoolery echo throughout the shanty town. * Straight into the Brave Boi Bunkhouse they march single file, adjusting their ties as they walk, their faces expressionless. This is no time for fun and games. This is serious business. ' * '''The party barges inside the brothel and immediately slips in a puddle of grease and collapses into a heap. Picking themselves up and shaking off the grease, the Bois go up to the counter and see the Regional Manager of the Brave Bois sipping a glass of water. When he sees the bois, his uncontrollably tingling takes over as he leaps upon the counter and screams, “HOW MANY BOIS YOU NEED THIS TIME?!!!” Bongo and the Bottles of Lamb Sauce reply, “All of them!” The regional manager pulls out a small bugle and plays a tune to summon the brave bois down to the lobby. ' * '''Immediately a small army of brave bois appear out of everywhere; crawling out from under tables, swoocing in through windows, slithering down from the ceiling, bursting out of the floorboards, exploding out of Bongo’s and James’ bags of holding, flying in from a gust of wind, materializing out of the grease puddles on the floor, emerging through a set of tall red curtains, slishing out of the Regional Manager's glass of water and his bugle, trundeling out of Vulkyn’s Magical Sack of Playtime (the bois aren’t at all surprised by Vulkyn’s presence in this greasy place), hopping out of Aigee’s mouth, swimming out of the percolator, being carried into the bunkhouse by a giant maggot from Miraj, and would you look at that! It’s Edvard, Edvard Iuvenis, the legendary half-elf ranger! But…! What ho? Edvard’s appearance is drastically different from the last time the bois saw him. Instead of the typical ranger garments, Edvard is clad in a gimp suit, covering his entire body. The bois wouldn't have even recognized him if it wasn’t for his honey badger at his side, Honey Bunny. * Edvard waved at the bois happily and said, “Hhgm! Mmmgho mmm mmeh mmois!” his voice horribly muffled by the gimp suit. The bois did not respond to what was probably a greeting from Edvard. ''' * '''One of the smaller brave boys pointed to Bongo slyly and muttered to his fellow boys, “Isn’t that the goliath who killed Paco?” Another brave boy, a lanky drow man, replied, “Nah, it was his wolf.” in a thick cockney accent. The drow pointed to Kaw and said, “And that’s the bloke who ate the corpse!” The smaller brave boy squealed, “Hey, I recognize that crow! He’s the one who ordered us to attack that guardtower! With those werebears! That guy’s a legend!” he cheered for Kaw. * Kaw basked in his celebrity status. He assumed the “praise the sun” pose and shrieked, “YES! LOVE ME!” * After encouraging the Brave Bois with a cacophony of fearsome battle cries, the greasy warriors wholeheartedly agree to help take down Aurelia. The bodysuit-clad army march off towards the Zorendal Empire, armorless and weaponless, carrying vats of pure grease over their shoulders. The grease is the only weapon they need. Bongo and the Boogie Woogie Buggies watch as the Brave Bois (Big Ed and Honey Bunny squirming amongst them) cluster together and sail away into the Soreasian waters towards the soon-to-be battlefield. * The enchanted scroll teleports the Bois back to the streets of Koryn, then the scroll vanishes in a puff of smoke. Down to two scrolls, the Bois continue to ponder who to seek help from next. Aigee leaves for about thirty minutes to go eat dinner with his grandmother. The bois all give a deep sigh of relief, this is the first time in months that they’ve been away from Aigee-Gorg. It feels as though a massive weight has been lifted from their shoulders. The Goo is gone. ''' * '''Bongo decides that his brother Lugg and his demon army would be a welcome additional to the battle. So, he does his usual scrying ritual to see what his brother is up to. Bongo sees Lugg and his army marching through a familiar wooded area for about ten minutes. Lugg is once again in his demonic, fleshy form; his army consists of horribly grotesque demons, goliaths, giants, and orcs. After marching for a while, Bongo sees that Lugg and the Lads have arrived at the gates of Koryn. The scrying ends. * The Ishandryn guards that are posted along the walls of Koryn start shouting to one another and drawing their weapons, causing a ruckus. “Demons!” the guards yell. “Demons are approaching the gates!” ''' * '''The Bois ignore the gate-guards and decide to take a load off in Bourbon’s tavern. The grimy bloke seems to have recovered after witnessing Kaw’s transformation in the attic. He greets them jovially and offers them the usual, free of charge. Skimp immediately slinks towards his personal shower, he relishes in the fact that there is no chance of Aigee bothering his showertime. With Aigee gone, the bois have the greatest time of their lives at the tavern. * Just as the SUS is starting to get goin’, an Ishandryn soldier barges in, rudely interrupting the SUSSERY, and squeaks, “Bongo and the Bois! We need you!” frantically flailing his arms around. * Bongo rises from the bar with his back to the soldier, his head spins around with a resounding SNAP as his neck breaks, and he asks with a stony face, “How do you know my name?” then he snaps his neck back into place, fixing it. * The soldier replies quickly, “Everybody knows your names! You’re the brave warriors that defeated Jorlack, Necro, Korvinox, and innumerable other foes! You guys are heroes!” The gang of so-called “heroes” begin crowding around the little scout, rolling up their sleeves and cracking their knuckles. For disturbing the SUS, a vicious pummeling is in order. Suddenly the severed head of a soldier is launched through the tavern’s window. The head lands straight into Bourbon’s keg of alcohol. The barkeep doesn’t notice this as he fills a patron’s mugg with the brew. * Looking outside, the bois spot a gang of demons causing a ruckus in the streets, Lugg among them. The Bois are half-way tempted to join in the slaughter alongside the demons, but in the end they decide to do the right thing and attempt to stop Lugg. Bongo strides over to him and says sternly, “You stole the corn!” * “Bongo! We’re here to assist the Ishandryn Empire in defeating the Zorendal!” Lugg hisses. However, he explains that he will only help if Bongo gives Rovagug a chance, for he is the most powerful being in existence, and he will empower his followers with almighty strength, yadda yadda yadda. Bongo makes fun of Lugg’s voice, then reluctantly agrees to stare into the black Rovagug orb that Lugg is always jammering on about; but only after the battle is won. “No more killing Ishandryn citizens! There’ll be plenty of Itholids and Zorendal mind-slaves to kill.” Bongo scolds his brother. Lugg agrees and tells his army to stand down. ' * '''The legion of demons are given permission to remain in Koryn for the next three days. However, the violent demons must be segregated from the other races. A jolly tengu fellow by the name Jim Crow is put in charge of enforcing this segregation, assuring Lugg and his demons that they will be, in his own words, “Separate but equal!” ' * '''“Who should we try next?” Skimp asks, returning from Showertime. Kaw slinks forward and hisses, “We need Harambo!” * All the Bois have flashbacks of the gigantic Harambo they found in Abbadon, enslaved to push a massive stone wheel for no reason whatsoever for the rest of eternity. The very same Harambo that the heroes had their final showdown with Korvinox upon his back, in which BIG Nadine delivered the legendary 88 DAMAGE. “We need Harambo’s wheel!” The group agrees that getting Urgathoa’s help is worth a shot, so Kaw gets busy doing what he does best. ' * '''Onto the ground the foul creature squirms, breakdancing with all the strength he can muster, a violent golden aura surrounding his stick-thin body. Here comes dat Urgathoa out of the shadows, looking down at her squirming oracle with extreme displeasure etched into her face. Her disappointment in her faithful servant is immeasurable. “Stop this nonsense at once,” she commands. The tengu-daemon breakdances even harder, unable to halt the Break Dance Of Victory. “I’m trying! I can’t stop!” he squalls, spinning around upon his tentacle. The Mistress of Decay opens her mouth and out floods a stream of Szechuan Sauce which splashes upon Kaw. The breakdancing instantly stops thanks to the sauce’s power. ' * '“Now what do you want?” the deity asks Kaw and the Crawdads. ' * '''“Gimme the Harambo! The one pushin’ the wheel!” Kaw crawls, going in for a big ol’ smooooooooch ❤️ * “Sus up.” Urgathoa says. Her thu’um blasts Kaw all the way to Phylum, right to Vulkyn’s mountain. The crow manages to escape the The Old Man On The Mountain’s clutches by flying back to Koryn with his nasty skin wings. It would have taken Kaw nearly two weeks to simply fly back, but luckily Urgathoa was merciful and teleported Kaw to Koryn once again. She looked down at the whelp and sighed, “Alright, I’ll help you and your idiot friends. During the battle, keep an eye out for the forces of abbadon.” she resigned, “Now leave me alone!” she departed the mortal plane once more. Kaw chuckled, “She’s playin’ hard to get!” * James suggests that they use the second scroll to teleport to Tibet to recruit some of the young pandafolk warriors. With another “Lemme scroll” courtesy of Skimp, the party vanish and reappear at The White Lodge. ' * '“AAAAAAAAGENT JAMES COOPER!!!!” Gordon Cole cried upon seeing the Grand Sensei. James approaches the monk for a handshake, “Good to see you again, Gordon.” she said, shaking the old panda’s paw. “How have things been going in Tibet?” Gordon looked confused and asked, “WHAT DOES HAIR COLOR HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING, JAMES?” * James spoke louder this time, “HOW. ARE. THINGS. IN. TIBET?” * Gordon cranked his hearing aids up to the max and shouted, “FANTASTIC, JAMES. WE’VE BEEN RUNNIN’ THINGS JUST LIKE YOU ASKED.” James nodded then began to explain the situation with the Zorendal Empire, “We’re assaulting Aurelia in three days. We’ll need an army of the finest monks on our side.” Gordon snapped a quick thumbs up and replied, “CAN DO, SENSEI! WE’VE GOT SOME FINE MONKS HERE THAT’LL BE MORE THAN WILLING TO GIVE THOSE ZORENDAL BOYS SOME TROUBLE.” ' * '''A group of monks wielding staffs step forward and bow deeply to James. As the enchanted scroll teleported them back to Koryn, Gordon shouted, “BANZAI!!!!!!!” ' * '“Who’s next?” Skrump asked while convulsing on the ground. “Who else do we know that might be able to lend a hand?” Bongo pondered aloud. They all thought for a long while, until finally they all cried in unison, “OAKBACK!!!!!” ' * 'Rather than use the enchanted scroll, Bongo once again casts Tree Stride to reach the town of Meridian Dawn. The last time the Bois had been there, there had only been around five people left alive, and so Bongo was understandably shocked when he arrived and found that the town was swarming with Zorendal soldiers! ' * '“OI!” Bongo wailed at the soldiers, “Any of you fine gentlemen seen Oakback, the coroner?” The soldiers all bolted around to meet Bongo’s gaze. One of the tiny guy’s piped up, “You! You’re under arrest for treason against the Zorendal Empire!” pointing his rifle at Bongo’s head. Bongo is completely unphased by the army of firearms pointed at his face. “Gimme Oakback,” he demands. “Put your hands up man! Or else we will shoot you!” the soldier cries, sweating profusely. Bongo stares blankly at the boy and simply repeats, “Gimme Oakback.” ' * 'The soldier opens fire on Bongo, but the clever goliath, his hand still on the tree, Tree Strided away, to a tree behind the soldiers. “Where is Oakback?” Bongo asked simply. The soldiers, shocked, turned around and opened fire again. And, once again, Bongo dodged the onslaught of bullets by Tree Striding to a tree behind the boys. The continued back and forth for at least three minutes. Bongo eventually grew tired of this game of cat and mouse and stopped Striding around. “Alright, for real this time, where is Oakback?” The sweaty soldier shot at Bongo, and this time the druid let it hit him. The bullet impacted Bongo’s wood armor and inflicted four damage on him, reducing his health to 165. ' * '''The soldier started hastily reloading his musket, squealing, “There’s plenty more where that came from!” Bongo pulled the tiny bullet out of his armor and flicked it at the soldier. It flew through the air and impacted the boy right in his big forehead, knocking him unconscious. “Where is Oakback.” Bongo asked more sternly. * Finally, one of the terrified kids fessed up, “The coroner?! We sent him and the rest of the town to a prison camp, Ost! Please don’t hurt me!” Bongo thanked the boy then Tree Strided back to Koryn with The Major. * Once again, the goliath is enraged to find his comrades locked in an aggressive quarrel. Kaw has coiled his skeletal body around James’ throat like a snake, slowly choking the life out of her. James is booshing the crow ruthlessly, but somehow the oracle is managing to keep his grip. Meanwhile, Skimp is pretending to stomp Aigee so hard that the sulli is no more than a puddle of grey goo upon the ground. However, this is all just in the rogue’s head, as Gorg is currently over at his grandma’s house for dinner. * Meanwhile, in a small, desolate cabin in the Koryn Woods, Aigee-Gorg is eating a bowl of his grandmom’s spaghetti. In the corner, Skimp’s parents are chained against the wall alongside a few shackled skeletons and Gorg’s old slave, Shelly. Aigee finishes his dinner and stands. For nearly thirty minutes he simply stands in silence, not moving a muscle, completely frozen. He abruptly starts, as if snapping out of a trance. Donning the coat sewn out of his parents’ flesh that Julianus made, the Goo Fellow draws his whip and approaches the helpless rats and kobold. The Goo Theme begins. Aigee gets busy on Skimp’s mom and dad and Shelly, beating them ruthlessly, grinning as he listens to their pleas for mercy and the cracking of his whip. After another five minutes of beatings, Aigee finally ceases. He drops his torture equipment and goes to leave his grandma’s house. His kindly-looking grandmother walks over to say goodbye. “Thanks for letting me come over for dinner, grandma!” Aigee says as he walks back to Koryn. * Aigee returns just as Bongo and The Major get back from Meridian Dawn. “Hey, welcome back Aigee. How was your grandma’s house?” Skimp says, trying to be nicer to the sulli. Aigee giggles and says, “I had a great time! Maybe one day you could come visit!” with a massive, terrifying grin. “I’d... like that,” Skimp said, then nervously looked away, averting his gaze from the Goo’s grin. ''' * '''After breaking up all the sus-housing, Bongo tells the rest of the gang that Oakback and the rest of the town are locked away in Ost. Eager to return to their lives as simple miners, the Bois decide to pay Ost a visit in the hopes of liberating the citizens of Meridian Dawn and recruiting them, as well as any other folk that were captured by the Zorendal empire. * “Let's-a go.” ' * '''The enchanted scroll teleports the heroes straight into the Ost mines, where they’d been imprisoned only a short time ago. In the flickering torchlight they spot Oakback, Irene the barkeep, Elder Tamdrin Eckhardt of Meridian Dawn, and the group of lads that’d been trying to help Maximillion solve the murder of his wife. There’s also numerous prisoners of war locked away within the mine. All of them are dressed in rags, looking dirty and malnourished, but are otherwise capable warriors. Oakback screams in fear as the Bois suddenly appear before him out of thin air. The coroner cowers in the corner as he remembers the multitude of pummelings the heroes had given him. ' * '“Quit cryin’ Oakback!” says James, “We’re here to break you lads out!” Skimp cut in, “But only if you lot agree to help us fight against the Zorendal Empire in three days.” After being locked in Ost for what has felt like an eternity, the citizens of Meridian Dawn and the p.o.w.s are eager to strike back against the Empire. But Oakback is a little uncertain. It looks like he’ll need some more convincing before he joins the Bois in the fight. So for old time’s sake, the party remove their belts and crowd around the cowering coroner. ' * 'Oakback let out a small squeal of “No!” as he is crouched on the ground, shivering in terror. The bois slowly circled in the coroner, ready to teach him a lesson. Oakback was about to get it good, but suddenly a small spark ignited in the backboy, he repeated once again, “No.” but this time he said it plainly. The fire inside him raged on, he slowly stood up and repeated a third time, “No.” much more forcibly. He stared into the eyes of the bois, “NO!” he yelled, “I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU PUSH ME AROUND ANYMORE!” he snap-pointed a confident finger into the stunned gazes of the bois. ' * '''Bongo and the Baristochrones ceased their approach, they stepped back, shocked and impressed. Oakback continued, “I’m not gonna be the weak pushover I once was! You five can try to beat me all you want, but let me tell you this: I WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT FIGHT!” he brandished his pickaxe at the bois, ready to strike. Oakback’s eyes were filled with a never-before-seen ire. * The bois stood there, completely silently, utterly stunned. They stared back at the coroner, astonished. Eventually Skimp let out a big sigh and Kaw said quietly, “Wow.” James put her paw to her chin and nodded her head to Oakback, visibly impressed. Aigee nodded as well, his thoughts, however, were filled with the screams of the slaves at Grandma’s House. Bongo whistled and sighed, “Well Oakback, you did it. You finally stood up for yourself.” * Oakback stared incredulously at the bois, and slowly lowered his pickaxe. “I did.” he whispered to himself, “That’s right.” he said to the bois, “And you five better remember that.” he said with a slightly threatening tone. Kaw laughed heartily, “Atta boy, Oaky my man! I knew you had it in you!” Kaw screeched. He slinked over to Oakback and slung his arm around the coroner’s shoulder, and merrily oakdanced around with his new best oakfriend. * Suddenly the timid pushover Oakback was no more, now the coroner was a strong-willed, confident man. ' * '''Now it’s up to the Bois to BUST Oakback and his gingle-gangle out of Ost, but this task was easier said than done, for the prison camp was filled with Zorendal soldiers marching to and fro. The captain of the guard is barking orders at his men, who salute him with their arms outstretched. The Bois turn themselves invisible, then start devising a plan to deal with all the guards. ' * 'Kaw slinks up behind the captain and uses his telepathy to slish the sound of a rushing waterfall into the bloke’s mind. The oracle’s original plan was for the sounds of rushing water to make the captain scuttle over to the bathroom, so the Bois could deal with the rest of the guards them sneak Oakback and the Otters out of the camp. However, the Zorendal captain starts flipping out and screaming, “OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.” The rest of the guards start screaming and thrashing on the ground as well. Kaw just goes with it and increases the volume of the rushing water sound, until everybody in the area (save for his comrades) are on the ground either passed out or dead. With all the guards dealt with, Oakback and all the prisoners are finally set oakfree. ' * '''The bois used the scroll to teleport back to Koryn with the P.O.Ws. * With all of their scrolls used, and a sufficient army formed, the bois decided to take a load of and spend their remaining days making merry at the tavern. But before they could even get close to the tavern, Vulkyn the Madman appeared out of nowhere, carrying Tiny Korvinox and Baby James with him. * “Uhh, excuse me bois, but you never asked me to help you guys!” the old man squealed. Skimp hissed back, “Yeah, we don’t want your help, so go away.” The rest of the bois nodded in agreement with their rat “friend.” Vulkyn slumped his arms and began to beg, “Ohhhh come on!!! Let me help out! I want to fight too!!!” he grovelled like a baby. The bois started mumbling various reasons why they did not want Vulkyn to “help” them. “I can do LITERALLY ANYTHING! PLEASE!” Vulkyn cried. * “Ugh fine…” the bois finally agreed to let the madman help. ''' * '''Skimp saunters on over to Tiny Korvinox and snaps his fingers in the whelp’s face, conjuring an explosion of fireworks to erupt from his fingertips. The tiny child instantly starts wailing. Vulkyn is not pleased. Vulkyn's Papa Theme starts screeching. Skimp snaps more fireworks into the little drow’s face, giggling. Vulkyn flips out and threatens to administer a deadly Playtime to Skimp if the rat abuses his child again. * Time seems to freeze as Skimp plans out his next move. Two opposing voices are speaking in his head. One voice (which sounds strangely like a very old man) is saying Don’t do it! The other is saying Do it! Do it! Sweat begins dripping down everyone’s faces. This moment will be the single most defining moment of Skimp’s life. His decisions made here will affect the rest of his life. Skimp puts his thumb against his middle finger, and a small smirk begins to slowly creep across his face. Vulkyn gives Skimp a glare that says, “Don’t you dare.” * Do it! Don’t do it! Do it! Don’t do it! Do it! Don’t do it! The voices in Skimp’s head went back and forth. The rat’s grin grew wider, as the voice whispering “Do it!” got louder and louder. A bead of sweat rolled off of Vulkyn’s face and splashed onto the ground. * Skimp did it. * With a small snap, a flurry of fireworks blasted into Tiny Korvinox’s face a third time. Vulkyn immediately REEEEEEed and put Skimp into a psychic ball and teleported himself, the rat, Korvinox, and Baby James to his mountain in Phylum. * Vulkyn's ULTRA Papa Theme blares so loudly that the sound waves echo across all the galaxy. Vulkyn slams Skimp the 16 year old boy in his ball repeatedly, over and over smashing him into the walls and floor of his mountaintop retreat. Skimp screams and screams, but Vulkyn designed this psychic sphere to block out all sounds from the inside, so his cries of terror go unheard. * Vulkyn wailed with fantasmic REEEs, unbelievably furious with the rat, utterly consumed with rage that his little boy had been bullied. Tiny Korvinox was cowering in the corner, still weeping. Baby James was looking for something to kill herself with. * Back in the streets of Koryn, the rest of the bois are awkwardly loitering around the entrance to the tavern, waiting for ratboy to get back. Here is an accurate representation of what the loitering Bois looked like: * Aigee, to pass the time, tried to strike up a conversation with Kaw. “You like jazz?” Aigee asked. James grabbed Aigee’s head and put his face in the corner, where he was not aloud to speak with anyone. Bongo nodded at James, then asked the bois, “Hey whatever happened to that Terin Stormwall guy? Lusitae told us he was an agent of the Ishandryn Empire, but we haven’t seen him at all since joining the Ishandryn. Come to think of it, we haven’t seen Lusitae either.” James scratched her chin and replied, “Yeah, it’s strange. You’d think we’d have seen or heard of at least one of them by now.” Kaw cracked his knuckles and gurgled, “Yeah, those guys sure were pretty slimy.” ''' * '''The bois had some idle chit-chat for about another hour before Vulkyn finally returned with Skimp, in that time, Aigee tried multiple times to sneak out of the corner, but James was always one step ahead and always put the goo back where it belonged. * Vulkyn appeared with Skimp still trapped in the physic ball. But Skimp in the ball was completely unrecognizable. First of all, the ball was smeared almost completely with blood, and Skimp was so bruised and bloody that he looked like a mushy red pile of flesh. Vulkyn released the rat from the ball and he landed on the dirt with a thud. “That’ll teach you to mess with my child!” he squawked. * Suddenly, the beaten Skimp smiled. He pressed his thumb to his middle finger once more and pointed his hand directly at Korvinox again. Vulkyn gave Skimp THE GLARE, causing the rat to drop his snapping hand. Defeated, the rat began to silently sob. “Sus.” Vulkyn announces to nobody in particular. * “Now then,” the Old Man went on, “as I was saying before, I’m willing to help you bois win this fight. But I expect something in return.” Aigee sniveled, “But you did not ask for any money. You are old man.” Vulkyn chuckled, “No money???” The Old Man then squirmed into the corner and began peeling a potato. Aigee slithered over and started trying to snatch the potato with his gooey mitts. Vulkyn shrieked, “No, don't do it!” as he tried to protect his beloved potato from the goo-monster. This continued for several more hours until finally Daddy DM put an end to the madness with a swift backhand into Specey’s/Aigee’s weird nose. ' * '''Vulkyn stuck out his hand with all five fingers outstretched, revealing tiny finger puppets (each representing one of the Bois) on his fingertips. “I want one hour of Playtime with each of you after the battle,” said Old Geezer, dancing around like a forest elf with his finger puppets, “that’s my one condition.” ' * '''James says that she likes the beige chair, heavily implying that the beige chair is the one she wants to buy. * The bois reluctantly agree with the freak’s proposition, but secretly they plan to slam Vulkyn after the battle, as they will all be level 20 at that time, at which point they will undoubtedly be mightier than the old man. * Skimp swiftly downs a Potion of Healing, restoring his bleeding wounds, returning him to his normal rat self. * Back into the tavern the Bois trundle, each of them wearing a demented grin. Bourbon’s jolly smile falters as he realizes the night of pure SUSSERY the heroes have planned. A few peasant bards in the tavern begin playing the Daddy's Wrath Theme as the SUS begins. ' * '“Hold on, gang.” Bongo interrupts the sus, “There’s one last thing I want to do before we party.” Skimp hissed back, “Hurry it up, then!” Bongo departed the tavern and made haste to the church. Outside of the church the two guards greeted the goliath. “Oh, it’s you again. You here to see the priest?” the skinny guard asked. “Yeah, I have plan to help that guy.” Bongo replied. ''' * '''Bongo trundled into the church and, using his newest ability, he transformed his appearance to be exactly identical to Kaldor the Usurper, the man whose soul was trapped within Wound. Kaldor/Bongo slid right in to the main ceremony hall where the priest was spazzing out at. “You there!” Bongo hollered upon seeing the priest, perfectly impersonating Wound’s voice. * The insane holyman’s eyes instantly lit up with disbelief and fear upon seeing Kaldor the Usurper. He grasped to find words that could describe what he was feeling, but failed to find any. “You know who I am don’t you?” Bongo hissed. The priest shakily nodded his head. “Good.” Bongo growled, “Then I command you to cease this nonsense! Stop killing innocent people! Stop acting like a total freak! Get your life together, man!” * The priest squealed some rambling nonsense. Bongo, still impersonating Kaldor, said, “I won’t be a problem to you anymore as long as you take my advice. Do you understand what I’m saying?” The priest nodded his head and squawked, “Yes! Yes sir!” shaking madly. * “Good. Glad that’s settled then.” Bongo said, “Well, I’d better get goin’.” Bongo departed the church. As he headed back down the stairs, Bongo heard the sound of a chair being scrapped along the ground, then the sound of two feet climbing onto the chair, then the chair falling over, followed by a quick, strained choking sound that abruptly ended. Bongo considered for a moment what the sounds were, then just figured it was the priest rearranging his furniture. ' * '“So did you help him?” the skinny guard asked the goliath as he walked out of the church. “Yeah, I think he should be back to normal in a couple of days.” Bongo said casually. “Oh, well thanks!” the guard said. Bongo said goodbye then headed back to the tavern to party, but not before briefly visiting Ezekiel’s grave and paying his respects. The Tree Man planted a sapling on the cleric’s grave, then wiped away the single tear which trailed down his cheek. He slammed his fist onto the ground, casting the Hallow spell. The holy magic caused the sapling to grow into a small, but strong douglas fir. * Upon entering Bourbon’s tavern, Bongo bore witness to a wild party. Everyone in Koryn was present. ''' * '''Kaw was dangling from a chandelier with an entire barrel of mead in his beak. Aigee, the life of the party, was up on the stage singing some old songs that Julianus taught him. Skimp was hitting on an ifeeti girl that reminded him of Renee. Klistmar was unsuccessfully acting as Skimp’s wingman. James was regaling a few Tibetan monks with stories from her time adventuring with Bongo and the Bois. Lugg was aggressively having a drinking contest with Bourbon, utterly destroying the duergar in the process. Edvard, who had finally taken off his gimp suit, was playing cards with some fellow brave bois. Honey Bunny tried to get along with The Major, but the massive warcat slashed the badger away with a loud hiss. Slickback had arrived to party as well, he was singing some pirate shanties with some of the demons, and reuniting with his long-lost older brother Oakback. Urtarr and Dyrli were having an in-depth conversation about hats. Gyystoph was getting suspicious of his wife always hanging out with Urtarr. Gyystoph’s giant robotic snake was quickly devouring a dead brave boi who had suffered a sus-attack from all the excitement. Maldrek was getting a quick break from planning the battle to have a drink with Elder Eckhardt from Meridian Dawn. Even Lusitae joined in the festivities, but strangely Terin Stormwall was nowhere to be found. Irene the barkeep was busy working the bar because Bourbon was already hammered from his drinking match with Lugg. Aigee’s grandmother was secretly looming over Skimp with a demented grin. Burt the travelling gnome salesman was creeping around in the corner of the tavern, trying not to be noticed. Gordon Cole was shouting to no one in particular, “MAY A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA. WE’VE ALL HAD OUR SOCKS TOSSED AROUND.” Telvar Ironmine was casually conversing with Vulkyn. Vulkyn was overexcited as always and ended up forcing Telvar to dance for him. Tiny Korvinox was scurrying around on the ground, running from Baby James, who was trying to boosh him. Emory Battis was painting a picture of the jolly scene. A couple of lads from the SkyFoogle were also present. Shifflet, Strawberry, Pickle Rick, and Peaches were all tarrying around a barrel of mead. Little Man was awkwardly sitting alone in a corner booth. * Bongo decided to go sit with Little Man, partly because he felt bad for the kid being alone, but mostly because it was the furthest away from Vulkyn and the brave bois. * Aigee finished his first song. The crowd gave a hearty applause. The sulli then said, “Thank you everyone! This next song of mine is called ‘I Have Skimp’s Parents Locked Up At My Grandma’s House!’ I hope you all like it!” Aigee began to sing his song. The lyrics all revolved around Skimp being ignorant to the fact that Aigee kidnapped his parents and threw Skimp into the plantation all those years ago. Skimp was too distracted by the girl he was hitting on to notice what Aigee was singing. Aigee’s grandma was telling one of Lugg’s demon buddies how proud she was of her grandson. The demon slithered away from the creepy old lady. * The partying continued long into the night. With all the merrymaking, the Bois forgot all about the approaching bloody battle. For the first time in a while, the five heroic adventurers cut loose and take a load off. At one point during the party, Kaw drunkenly got up on stage and gurgled, “This is for my girl, Urgathoa!” he began to screech a song for the gal of his dreams. “AlWaYs I WANna be WIth You!” he screeched. The crowd booed at the crow and threw fruits and vegetables, Kaw was singing so loudly that he didn’t hear the boos, and he caught the food in his mouth. “AnD MaKE BEliEve WIth yOu!” The song eventually devolved into nothing but a piercing scream that made everybody’s ears bleed. ''' * '''Urgathoa finally slunk out from the shadows and yanked the blabbering oracle off the stage. “Sorry about that, folks.” she said before disappearing to the shadows once more. * Suddenly, the two gaurds that always stood outside The Priest’s church walked into the bar. They awkwardly looked around for a place to sit. Bongo waved them to sit with him and Little Man. The gaurds sit across from Bongo and Little Man. The skinny guard pipes up, “Geez man, when you said you had a plan to help the priest, I didn’t think you meant that you’d make him commit suicide.” Bongo stares confused at the guard, “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked. Before the skinny guard could explain what happened to the priest, Bongo practically leapt out of the booth when he saw the SkyFoogle lad known as Pickle Rick squirming on the floor, making an obnoxious screeching sound. The goliath used his telekinetic powers to lift the freak into the air and launch him out the window of Bourbon’s tavern. The bar patrons all clapped and cheered for the hero that finally stopped the autistic screeching of Pickle Rick. * After the patrons calmed down and went back to their normal partying, James watched as Lugg dominated challenger after challenger in arm-wrestling matches. “Ha ha ha!” Lugg laughed victoriously, slamming Lusitae’s hand onto the table, “All you wimps, nobody can defeat me!” James approached the goliath and held out her honied hand, “How’s about it?” she asked, gesturing to her hand. Lugg looked up and smiled, “You think you’ve got what it takes to beat me? Alright then, panda! Have a seat!” he said. James sat down calmly and put her elbow onto the table, then nodded. Lugg grabbed her mechanical honey-gloved hand, and put elbow to table, “Let’s do this, Super Panda.” the goliath mocked. * An amazing battle of brute strength ensued. Both opponents gave it their all. Lugg was straining his arm, clenching James’ hand as hard as he could, using all of his might to push the furry hand of James Hurley. James was pushing back with almost perfectly equal strength. Zero progress was made on either side. The entire tavern gathered around, half cheering for Lugg, half cheering for James. The pressure was on. James began to sweat, her grip loosened slightly. “Having trouble keeping up are we?” Lugg laughed. James’ hand faltered, it fell close to the table. The side of the crowd cheering for James gasped. The side cheering for Lugg clapped. * James’ hand fell more, now mere inches from the tabletop. No! I can’t let this brute beat me! She thought. The monk concentrated as hard as she could. She thought about all of the things that made her angry: the crowd in Zan Saresh that mocked her, called her a senile old bat; the wrongdoings of the villain Korvinox; the death of her friend Bongo; the crimes Shifflett committed on Sweece Measley; the time that Aigee got the bois thrown into a prison camp. All of this anger burned inside James Hurley’s mind and soul. She was ready to unleash the Woodsman, but she wasn’t angry enough. She needed something more. She looked into the face of Lugg the goliath, he was laughing hysterically, James’ hand was centimeters from touching the table. The thing James hated the most, failure, was centimeters from reality. ' * '“NO!” James roared, “I WON’T LET YOU BEAT ME!” her scream echoed across Koryn. Lugg chuckled still, unimpressed. James unleashed her Woodsman. An ethereal aspect of BIG Nadine appeared in James’ body. James and BIG Nadine fused into BIG JAMES. BIG JAMES clutched Lugg’s hand with a death grip. The goliath’s cocky smile faded instantly, it turned into a shocked frown. BIG JAMES pushed back. Within an instant, both Lugg and BIG JAMES were standing up, both screaming at the tops of their lungs, exerting as much force as they could. Huge waves of red and yellow energy emitted off of them. All of the bar patrons backed away. A hole was being torn in the universe. A hole that lead to an alternate reality. Through the hole, the patrons could see six individuals hanging out in a dimly lit basement; a pale-faced gunslinger man, a golden-scaled bloodrager lizardfolk, a stony-scaled barbarian lizardfolk, a brutish ranger gnoll, a purple vanara witch, and a creepy cloaked woman. All of this odd people were standing over a grimy table, looking down at a map on it. * The gunslinger grumbled, "This door leads to Marcel's office," pointing to a spot on the map, "Marcel is the owner of the place." the pale man added. * "OH, HELLO THERE!" the stony-scaled barbarian bellowed, pointing to the wormhole that had appeared behind the creepy woman. Everyone in the basement turned around to see the portal with perplexed expressions. * "What is this!?" the vanara squealed in surprise. All of these people reached for their weapons; the gunslinger grabbed a scatterpistol from his bandolier, the barbarian whipped out a glimmering lead scimitar, the golden bloodrager unsheathed his deadly claws, the ranger drew a pitchfork from behind his back, the witch prepared a spell in his hand, and the creepy lady revealed a curved dagger from her sleeve. * The patrons of Bourbon’s tavern kept switiching their glances from the epic arm wrestling match to the unexplainable wormhole. All of the bois came over to see what was happening. Skimp remarked, "Who are those freaks?" Kaw, picking at his teeth, replied, "I have no idea. But I like the look of 'em!" * On the other side of the wormhole, the gnoll grunted to the creepy lady, "Yolanda, does this normally happen down here?" Yolanda stared through the portal, perplexed, and muttered, "No it does not." she pointed at Bongo on the other side of the wormhole and asked, "You there, do you know what's happening?" * "Not at all. Who are you people?" asked Bongo. Suddenly, Oakback strolled over and took note of the two lizardfolk in the wormhole. His eyes lit up. "Hey! I know those two!" he exclaimed. "They're my brothers! Strongback! Stönback! What the hell is going on?! Where are you right now!?" * Suddenly, the wormhole imploded in on itself, causing a massive explosion that would have wiped out the entire continent if BIG JAMES and Lugg didn’t absorb the explosion. A massive cloud of dust erupted from the contained explosion. Everyone heard a massive thud, someone’s hand hitting the table. ''' * '''After a time, the smoke cleared. BIG JAMES was back to her normal James form. Her hand was clasped around Lugg’s. Lugg’s hand was face down on the table, defeated. The crowd went nuts. Everyone cheered for James, even the people who were initially rooting for Lugg to win. Both and panda and goliath passed out on the spot. * A while, after the bar had settled down a bit, Skimp was rejected by the ifeeti girl after Klistmar tells her about the time Skimp mercilessly massacred a bunch of little Zorendal boys that barely knew how to fight. The rejected rat goes wild, transforming in Skrumpfield!!! Skrump bounces all over the tavern, crashing into brave bois, knocking over mugs of beer, destroying property, and overall causing a huge commotion. Everyone in the tavern took turns trying to calm the rabid animal, but, alas, the pants-on-head was too powerful. Skrump flips and spazzes around in the corner, when suddenly, Aigee’s grandma began to approach the rat. Upon seeing the twisted grin of the elderly sulli, Skrump immediately took pants off of head and got his act together. * At some point, Gyystoph and Urtarr got into a fight over Gyystoph’s wife, Dyrli. The robotic man drunkenly pushed Urtarr back and wailed at him, “YOU STAY AWay FROM my WIFE, YOU BASTARD!” Urtarr backed away. Dyrli ran up to her husband and tried to calm him down, “That’s enough, Gystoph!” she yelled. Gyystoph backslapped Dyli onto the floor, “YOU STAY OUTTA THIS YOU CHEATING WHORE!” Maldrek quickly ran onto the scene and pulled Gyystoph away, “Come on old pal, it’s time you had a rest.” he muttered to the robotic man. Disgusting was balling his eyes out angrily, falling apart at the seams, he cried “That stupid shopkeeper son of bitch stole my wife, I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him! I swear to God I'll kill him. Let me go, let me go goddammit!” he slouched his head onto Maldrek’s shoulder, crying profusely, “Please just let me go… just let me go…” Gyystoph whimpered like a baby. Maldrek patted his friend’s back and ushered him out of the tavern. Urtarr stumbled over to Dyrli and awkwardly continued their conversation about hats. After some time, Maldrek reentered the tavern. Gyystoph, however, did not return. * The night of partying eventually comes to a close with Aigee-Gorg leading a sing-a-long of Big Enough, doing an impeccable impersonation of the legendary Jimmy Barnes. Everybody in the tavern joins in, and the might of their combined voice sends shockwaves across Soresia, causing the ground to quake beneath their feet. The Zorendal troops assembled in Aurelia were filled with utter terror and dread as the soundwaves echoed to them. Tghil and his animal comrades, who were camped out near Aurelia, joined their voices into the song. Captain Glezdon and The Zacken, sailing the great seas of Soresia, joined in the song as well. The song broke into other planes of being. At Vulkyn’s bean-shaped colosseum, Carlos Matos and Lethan Awyer heard the song and joined in. In Abbadon, the Harambo pushing the wheel joined in. In Nirvana, Lekkunar, Bongo’s family, Raelshi, Flareon, Oshrek, and the rest of the fallen heroes of Autumnwood Clearing join in the song. * This was far more than a simple song. This was the battle cry of the Ishandryn Empire, a challenge to Aurelia, The Itholids, and The Beholder. The battle cry of all who stand against the oppression of the Zorendal Empire, all who cry out for peace in this time of terrible conflict. And of all the voices that were joined into the song, none sang louder than the voices of Bongo and The Bois. The Mind Flayer, in his throne room, heard this song and shuddered, then sent out a signal to all of the pawns under his control, it said, “PREPARE YOURSELVES. THEY ARE COMING.” * After singing the warcry, the bois and all of their companions passed out in the tavern. The Bois all fall into a heap and sleep peacefully like so: * An idiotic rooster caws, signalling the rising of the sun, waking all of the tavern patrons. The bois all awaken from a beautiful night’s rest. Skimp wakes up his personal shower. Kaw wakes up on the chandelier. Bongo and James wake up at the bar. Aigee wakes up on the stage. It was time to boogie. * The bois all get up and at ‘em, ready to bring down the pain on the Zorendal blimeys. Maldrek rushes into the tavern and says, “Alright, lads, it’s time to go, The SkyFoogle is waiting for you outside.” he slithered back outside. The bois all had one final drink at the bar, Bourbon poured them their usual. James gulped down her butterbeer and clapped Bourbon on the shoulder, “You’re a fine man, Bourbon, I will not soon forget your kindness and decency.” she shakes the bartender’s hand and the bois all go to leave. Right before James exits the tavern, Bourbon calls to her, “What about the FBI?” James turns around, smiles, and says, “I am the FBI.” she then leaves. * The bois board the Foogle and take to the skies. All of their comrades were there, all of the elite Tibetan monks, the P.O.Ws from Ost, the Brave Bois, Lugg and his demons, the Ishandryn army, and all of the SkyFoogle crew. ''' * '''Bongo, Skimp, Aigee-Gorg, Kawkrookitar, Sensei James Cooper, Maldrek, and Gyystoph all hop up to the helm, ready to give inspiring speeches to the uninformed masses. * Maldrek, who was adorned in a beautiful full plate armor or cold steel, step forward and inspired the troops, “Gentlemen, here we are at the precipice of battle. We have amassed an army of… diverse troops, all to put a stop to a tyrannical totalitarian hivemind that’s corrupted the minds of men and women just like us. Many of you will die in the battle, many more will be wounded. I hold in my heart the deepest respect for every single one of you brave men and women who chose to fight the good fight. Gods bless you all.” * The crowd clapped and cheered for Commander Maldrek. The commander bowed his head, then stepped back. Disgusting approached the crowd and offered some words, “May we all raise hell on the battlefield! Hoorah!” he shouted, the crowd shouted back. Gyystoph backed off. * James Hurley stepped forward, nodded her head to her Tibetan warriors, then said, “Attention everyone: Your land is my land.” All of the monks clapped, but everyone else stared at James, confused by her strange declaration. * Kaw goes to step forward, when the monstrous hand of a Harambo erupts from the ground palm-up. The oracle leaps over into the Harambo’s hand, assumes the “praise the sun” pose, and prepares to give a spectacular speech. However, as soon as he begins to speak, the spirit of Scazzle emerges from his beak. The hyena gives her signature laugh, “EEH HEE HEE HEE!” then returns to the crow’s stomach. Nobody claps. The hand of Harambo tosses Kaw back onto The Skyfoogle, then BOIS HIM HARD. * Bongo steps forward, gives a thumbs up, and lightning flashes. A few people clapped. Bongo noticed an old, one-armed bloke was saluting him with a proud heil. ''' * '''Skimp stepped forward and simply stated, “Let. Me. Smash.” A couple of lads clapped. * Aigee-Gorg stepped up to the plate, cleared his throat, and opened his mouth to say something… but said nothing. A minute passed. Everyone was completely silent. All eyes were on Aigee, who for the first time in his life is suffering from stage fright. Two minutes passed. Then five. The bard started squirming around awkwardly. At a complete loss for words, he did the only thing he could think of and offered the crowds of soldiers an uneasy smile. Beads of sweat started to drip down his gooey face. It was so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Ten agonizing minutes passed by. Still smiling anxiously, tears of anguish began spilling down The Goo Fellow’s cheeks. Bongo was kind enough to pull Aigee out of the spotlight. Nobody clapped. In fact, a few soldiers in the crowd keeled over and died. * With the words of wisdom out of the way, James took the helm and sailed the army towards Aurelia. During the long trip to the capital, the Bois all mentally and physically prepared themselves for the coming conflict. James meditated, muttering an odd chant under her breath, This is the water…. Skimp chased after Little Man once more, desperately clawing his way up the crow’s nest. Klistmar was focusing upon his spells. Kaw creeped down to the brig to devour the remaining Zorendal soldiers that were still held captive down there. Bongo gave THE BIG WEAPON a few swings. Aigee, the life of the party, tuned his instruments to perfection. Maldrek used his Grease to grease up Gyystoph’s metallic body. Gordon Cole and the other monks practiced their form and precision. Oakback, equipped with a mighty greataxe, tested his mettle against some target dummies. Lugg and the demons were praying to Rovagug. Vulkyn was playing with Shifflett, Strawberry, and Peaches, abusing them, all while laughing maniacally. ''' * '''After an hour or so, the bois could see the massive gates of Aurelia on the horizon. Maldrek commanded everyone into the position, ready to leap into battle. The bois could see that the battle had already begun, a few preliminary troops were charging at the city, brawling with Zorendal soldiers and itholids alike. * “It’s time to Boogie Woogie.” Daddy Derrick said enthusiastically to the rest of the gang. ''' * '''The SkyFoogle docked on the beaches of Aurelia. On the edge of the battlefield, Thgil and his army of intelligent woodland critters stood ready to battle. “Thgil, old boy!” Bongo hollered. He and his wolf exchanged a nod. Maldrek ordered the army to charge into battle. “THE TIME HAS COME, SOLDIERS! FULL FORCE AHEAD! NO HESITATION! CHARGE!” the commander yelled. * The battle begun. * The Ishandryn Empire and Zorendal Empire clashed, the oceans of soldiers colliding. "WE'VE GOT TO GET THOSE GATES OPEN SOMEHOW!" Maldrek roared to his men, pointing his blade at Aurelia's huge gates. An icy voice hissed beside him, "Allow me." Maldrek and The Boys turned to see Urgathoa standing there, gnarly scythe in hand, her black hair flowing in the wind, her stunning half-skeleton body in full view. Kaw whistled and began cat-calling at her. ''' * '''With a sigh, Urgathoa lifted one hand into the air. One second later, just like before, the monstrous hand of a Harambo erupted from the ground, rose into the air, made a fist, and BOOSHED Aurelia's gates open. The Ishandryn troops were now flooding into the city! * "There, I helped with the battle," she said to Kaw. "You're welcome, my Oracle." She vanished. "That's my girl!" Kaw chuckled. ' * '''Getting back to business, Bongo and The Boys hacked and slashed their way through the battlefield, slowly but surely grinding their way towards the doors of King Yarham Zorendal's throne room. Along the way Thgil joined them, fighting with a warhammer crafted of enchanted wood. ' * '''As they battled their way through the streets, out of an alleyway appeared a Phantasmal Killer, dressed in robes with a hood covering their face. The Killer sprang towards Kaw, who was straggling slightly behind the rest of the group. The tengu/daemon took a slash at the Killer with his scythe but the foe dodged the attack with ease. The Phantasmal Killer suddenly projected a vision into the Oracle's mind, a vision of his deepest, darkest nightmare... * "Why, Notakar?" asked the voice of none other than Lekkunar Greyfeather. Within his mind, Kaw found himself standing in a black void with his older brother's spirit looming before him. The spirit of Scazzle the hyena also lingered at Lekkunar's side. "Why, little brother? Why did you choose to serve Urgathoa? Why did you let me die? Why did you betray my trust? Why, Notakar, why?" ''In response, Kaw uttered the shrillest scream he could muster, a scream of true fear, for in that moment he realized the folly of his actions. He began slashing his scythe madly in all directions. He managed to snap out of the vision, and was surprised to find that the Phantasmal Killer had vanished. With the words of his older brother still echoing through his mind, Kaw ran after the others, croaking, "Hey! Wait up!" '' ''' * '''At last the Boys reached the steps of the throne room, but were forced to fight against a massive robotic golem King Zorendal had posted outside the throne room doors. The golem was taller than even Bongo and James! During this battle, the Boys were joined by Maldrek and Gyystoph, Grease fighting with both blade and spell and Disgusting fighting with his gun arms. * The mindless golem, towering high over the adventurers, bashed them with its massive fists. Kaw fired his massive sniper rifle at the foe, James threw conks galore at it, Bongo and Thgil bludgeoned it with their hammers, Aigee blasted thundering drums at the monster, Skimp poked it in the eye with his rapier, but nothing was working! * ' It seemed that every attack they threw at the golem bounced off its metallic shell, not even Klistmar's vast array of spells could bring down the brute. The Bois, at their wits end, were considering performing The Turkey Sacrifice once again to call upon the almighty powers of Lethan. However, from an alleyway erupted a force of vicious toddlers that swarmed the golem, dragging it back into the alleyway. Stunned at what they'd just witnessed, The Bois then saw Vulkyn floating overhead, his face beaming with joy. "See?" he chuckled down to them, "I told you I would help in the fight!"' * "What the hell, Old Man?!" Bongo shouted at him. "You have an army of children?!" "That's right!" Vulkyn laughed heartily, "aren't they just the cutest little things?" The psychopath floated away back into the chaos of the battle. "Alright Boys," said Papa Bongo darkly to his comrades. "This is it." * Finally the Boys had reached the throne room. There were no more enemies in front of them to block their way. Behind the doors, King Zorendal was waiting... ' ' * SESSION END!